3 months and I have almost finished my savings. I gave up a cushy, well paying job to see whats in the next door ? Yeah, the economy and savings graph says you must be a fool to quit and dream of finding your dream. Let's just say I am a fool.
I want to peel myself layer by layer to know 'me.' The existence and time that I have. There is this strong urge to find 'me'. That's it.
Well, an argument in my head arises here. So, what you need to find me - does it mean giving up your economical support ? Well, no ! I just want my time.
Okay, so now you've got the time. What have your arrived at by the end of 3 months. Just to understand.
Allright ! I'll tell you what, be very patient with the story.
I have learnt art as a kid. The pedagogy that my teachers adopted was a basic one. They gave me a drawing/ painting and asked me to replicate the same in my drawing book. One work of art would take 2-3 sittings. I found copying a challenge and then mastered it. I could possibly replicate anything in front of my eyes. Colors were tough. Starting with crayons to pencil shading to water colors. This journey was 4 years long and I wanted to become an oil paint perfectionist at the end of it. During this period, I had my highs and lows. I used to get bored of a certain kind of people drawings, uninteresting subjects and would end up not doing a good job. There were times when a new technique was involved in coloring, especially landscapes and I would just want to learn it as soon as I could. Then there were times, I had this unsettled anxiety in mind to become perfect. This mostly would screw up my work. Then at times, I would fall asleep while painting and was highly embarrassed having woken up by my teacher. There were also times, when I was so calm in my head that give me anything and I would make it beautiful.
However, if one would give me a challenge outside the hobby class I would be as bad as any other person who has just started to learn. In the sense, application of art was not easy for me. Imagining a landscape was not easy for me. I used to leave my art in those drawing books and exist. There was school to keep me super busy. Slowly, my art became limited to 2 hrs on weekdays and studies took over. I understood that studying would make me someone. This someone is an adult who earns and who has mastered from elite schools of the country. But what would this adult me be doing ? I wish, I had answered this question long back. Maybe, I just took liking of 'job' to do as an adult as it came to me. That's why I no longer enjoyed it.
Did I enjoy art ? Yes. It was better that my other hobby classes inclusive of Classical Music and Bharatnatyam. In fact, Bharatnatyam is still very sacred to me. And music is essential to my being. So, when it comes to doing something with Art. I think of painting, designing and new age graphics.
Why I didn't chose an Art course ? Because, I never saw myself anything less than an IIT-an. OMG confessions, I tell you can kill !
When we perceive ourselves as how the world does, get lost. We are never going to know ourselves.
Yes, there were perceptions at home as well as choices. So many choices and guess what coupled with responsibility of choosing right that man I never chose what I liked. I never asked me as to what I like.
I forced myself to do something my brain would not do with ease.
And there were signs all around.
Maybe there are still signs all around.
I just have to pick what my heart says and let it flow through me.
Become the medium rather than striving to be the creator.
Submit yourself to Art and it will love you back.
With this in my mind, I knock the art door in my head to show me the path.
To give me my art. To make me happy with myself.
I want to peel myself layer by layer to know 'me.' The existence and time that I have. There is this strong urge to find 'me'. That's it.
Well, an argument in my head arises here. So, what you need to find me - does it mean giving up your economical support ? Well, no ! I just want my time.
Okay, so now you've got the time. What have your arrived at by the end of 3 months. Just to understand.
Allright ! I'll tell you what, be very patient with the story.
I have learnt art as a kid. The pedagogy that my teachers adopted was a basic one. They gave me a drawing/ painting and asked me to replicate the same in my drawing book. One work of art would take 2-3 sittings. I found copying a challenge and then mastered it. I could possibly replicate anything in front of my eyes. Colors were tough. Starting with crayons to pencil shading to water colors. This journey was 4 years long and I wanted to become an oil paint perfectionist at the end of it. During this period, I had my highs and lows. I used to get bored of a certain kind of people drawings, uninteresting subjects and would end up not doing a good job. There were times when a new technique was involved in coloring, especially landscapes and I would just want to learn it as soon as I could. Then there were times, I had this unsettled anxiety in mind to become perfect. This mostly would screw up my work. Then at times, I would fall asleep while painting and was highly embarrassed having woken up by my teacher. There were also times, when I was so calm in my head that give me anything and I would make it beautiful.
However, if one would give me a challenge outside the hobby class I would be as bad as any other person who has just started to learn. In the sense, application of art was not easy for me. Imagining a landscape was not easy for me. I used to leave my art in those drawing books and exist. There was school to keep me super busy. Slowly, my art became limited to 2 hrs on weekdays and studies took over. I understood that studying would make me someone. This someone is an adult who earns and who has mastered from elite schools of the country. But what would this adult me be doing ? I wish, I had answered this question long back. Maybe, I just took liking of 'job' to do as an adult as it came to me. That's why I no longer enjoyed it.
Did I enjoy art ? Yes. It was better that my other hobby classes inclusive of Classical Music and Bharatnatyam. In fact, Bharatnatyam is still very sacred to me. And music is essential to my being. So, when it comes to doing something with Art. I think of painting, designing and new age graphics.
Why I didn't chose an Art course ? Because, I never saw myself anything less than an IIT-an. OMG confessions, I tell you can kill !
When we perceive ourselves as how the world does, get lost. We are never going to know ourselves.
Yes, there were perceptions at home as well as choices. So many choices and guess what coupled with responsibility of choosing right that man I never chose what I liked. I never asked me as to what I like.
I forced myself to do something my brain would not do with ease.
And there were signs all around.
Maybe there are still signs all around.
I just have to pick what my heart says and let it flow through me.
Become the medium rather than striving to be the creator.
Submit yourself to Art and it will love you back.
With this in my mind, I knock the art door in my head to show me the path.
To give me my art. To make me happy with myself.
